Understanding anxiety via comics

A step-by-step guide for creators on how to give up on the idea they’re working on

This is you.

Well, let us assume for a while it is you. Although that face structure does you no justice at all, you’re way more good looking than that. But for the sake of our narrative, let us embody ourselves into that lanky stick figure with a weirdly long neck.

Now, as a creator or writer or artist or anybody who is working on a project (trying to), this is you in your natural habitat:

Nice little cloud bubble floating on top of your head. You are in a state of constant contemplation over whatever it is that you’re working on.

And as a creator, you secretly want people to know that you’re working on something. Even though all you might be doing is binge eating Jim-Jams while going through endless tik-tok videos. But you do want people to know that you’re working on something. That being a creator is a job in itself.

So, let’s give you a nice title in a cool font we found online:

That’s better. Now you look like a real creator. Staring at a blank page. A perpetual cloud bubble over your head. An expression on your face that lies somewhere between self- loathing and a crippling anxiety disorder.

The Jim-jams have finished and the tik-tok videos have started to look repetitive, and so now your brain makes room for other stuff.

And while you want the other stuff to be ‘the next big idea that could change the world’ or ‘a blockbuster movie script’ or ‘a poem that could make a potential partner swoon all over you’.

But this isn’t what you get, do you?

No, what your brain delivers to you, is probably the last gift in your Christmas list. The accumulation of all your self-doubt and negative thoughts bundled up in this one simple sentence:

And as a creator, you’re a naturally perceptive person.

When somebody talks, you listen. Even if it is your own head trying to root the seed of self-loathing and humiliation.

The good thing about being a great listener is that sometimes you learn a thing or two. The bad thing about being a great listener is that people continue to speak:

Ah! Truer words have never been spoken.

No analytical criticism of your work. No constructive feedback. Just a simple, succinct sentence- ‘You suck.’ Well done, inner voice. Real mature.

Now anybody can guess what happens when you’re down this rabbit hole:

‘Hey, remember that one time you had this cool idea and you thought it’d be nice to share it with the world? Well guess what, you can’t haha, because you suck lol.’ Inner voice has the comedic ability of Billy-the-Bully from high school.

It does this beautiful thing of not just making you doubt what you’re about to create, but going all the way back and making you doubt everything you’ve ever created.

So now, as a good listener, you take the natural course of action:

You decide what you’re doing is probably not good enough.

The voice has succeeded. Give it up for the voice everybody!

It is natural to let self-doubt take control of you and drive this vehicle forward. Today is not the day and the world will not receive what could’ve been a potentially good piece of creation. Anxiety has won this battle:

But then, you remember. You’re a creator.

‘Wait a minute,’ you go. ‘I created you, inner voice.’

And comes the plot twist:

RUB. RUB. RUB.

‘HOW DARE YOU INNER VOICE? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE INSPIRING AND INFORMATIVE AND OCCASIONALLY FUNNY.’

YOU’RE ON FIRE. THIS ISN’T GOING TO STOP.

RUB. RUB. RUB.

NO, WE WON’T, INNER VOICE. ATLEAST NOT UNTIL AN HOUR SO BEFORE YOU RETURN.

RUB. RUB. RUB. THAT’S RIGHT, INNER VOICE!

WHAT DO WE SAY TO THE GOD OF ANXIETY?

NOT TODAY.

This is nice. A lot more peaceful.

Although you still do wish the good ideas to come. And maybe they will, eventually.

But for now, this quiet isn’t so bad.

Today is a battle won I’d give you that. Every day you shut that prick of an inner self-doubting voice up is a success in my book.

Good job you.

Now you can go back to whatever it is you were doing:

And the thing is, it may probably not be that good today. As a self-critical creator, you do know that in the back of your head.

But quoting the greatest mind I’ve ever come across:

‘It gets easier. Every single day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it everyday, that is the hard part. But it does easier.’

- Jogging Baboon, Bojack Horseman.

Until next day then.

(For more comics that deal with my nervous breakdown, you could follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suncheatagarwal/)